to be in relationship is to be changed
AND, to be loved is to be changed
I was in a meeting the other day when a woman raised her hand and stated that to be in relationship is to be changed. It made me pause and I quickly wrote it down. I love the more oft heard phrase, “to be loved is to be changed”, but appreciated this spin to speak on relationship. I think they might be two different things that often happen at the same time. When you are loved by someone, that changes you. You might feel a boost of confidence, knowing you are adored. Maybe you walk a little taller, can safely act silly. And, when you are doing the work of a healthy relationship, that changes you too. You change yourself, improving yourself, to be in a relationship. You might ask yourself in moments of frustration with another, would I rather be right or be in relationship? Those moments of pause and caring will change you.
I think of the ways entering in a friendship with someone new begins to change me as the shape of them takes space in my life. You meet someone and decide, “I am going to invest in you, in being near you, in growing and learning with you, sharing with you, mourning and celebrating with you”. Aren’t we a conglomerate of those we spend the most time with? My closest relationships teach me so much. I want to be like them. I want to be a better person to be a better friend/partner for them. To be in true relationship is to be changed.
